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  • I keep hearing about this 'self esteem' thing. I can only assume that whatever body-part holds this has little holes in in my case as I'm damned if I can ever keep it intact for long.

    Like @cervus says, that can do more damage than many things as it needs no external help once it gets a foothold (or lack of).
    A million fires before your harvest comes. To burn out.
    Wear the mask of a heathen. For the moon's lonely eyes.
  • All this from three men who are exceedingly handsome, shamelessly hilarious, and apparently highly intelligent.

    All I can say on the matter is this: as much as I can criticize my looks, abilities, and/or life choices, I look at the lovely people I have in my life and realize that I'd never give up my experience or trade places with any man.
    Post edited by iuventus at 2013-07-24 05:12:04
    If I were dead, could I do this?
  • That's the point though, I guess - regardless of what others say (however lovely) the internal voice spouting the opposite is always that little bit louder. That's what makes it so difficult to shake off.
    A million fires before your harvest comes. To burn out.
    Wear the mask of a heathen. For the moon's lonely eyes.
  • That voice is you, and it takes years of conscious effort to change the pattern.
    If I were dead, could I do this?
  • Also very true and one of the most frustrating things. You'd expect that knowing and accepting this would be enough to start a pattern of positive change but these things are rarely that easy. It's a tough creature to tame.
    A million fires before your harvest comes. To burn out.
    Wear the mask of a heathen. For the moon's lonely eyes.
  • Knowledge provides the opportunity; acceptance provides a starting place.
    If I were dead, could I do this?
  • A lot of familiar feelings in this thread which I avoided reading for a while.
    I'm currently on anti-depressants too.
    It's the second time for me and I've come to realise I'm suffering from manic-depression.
    Looking back some issues I've had in the past all make sense now.
    A couple of years ago I had a severe depression with suicidal thoughts that didn't make any sense to me.
    At the beginning of this year I realized I was slipping into another depression, luckily it was not as bad as that previous one.
    On the plus side: Things are heaps better now! Last week in Manchester was a positive boost I really needed.
    And like some of you might have noticed I've got a wonderful wife who's always supporting me.
    Luckily I'm on the way up now and the timing couldn't be better.
    Otherwise I wouldn't have had the guts to opt for another interview with Alison.
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    "I think it is our job to dream"
  • iuventus said:

    That voice is you...



    This is true, yet I find that the more effective way of dealing with it is to consider it as not me.

    Instead, I see it as some sort of shrivelled shadow with a grudge against all life. It's then my duty - and pleasure-  to ignore, defy and push it aside, like I'm a resistance fighter or something.

    Works for me, but obviously not for everyone.
  • That's precisely how religion works.
    If I were dead, could I do this?
  • That's the point though, I guess - regardless of what others say (however lovely) the internal voice spouting the opposite is always that little bit louder. That's what makes it so difficult to shake off.


    That is exactly the case sadly. It is like a colander no matter how many positive thoughts are poured in it comes teeming out as fast if not faster. I understand that it is up to the individual to start to try and block those holes, sometimes though the resolve that is needed to do so is cascading out at the same time or is just not powerful enough to stem the flow.

    Hugs to all. @Dreeke @chokka @folklore @iuventus @Bells @whisperit and last but no means least @The_Carpathian xxxxx

    I wanted to put this when I originally posted but was at work and by break time ran out.
    Post edited by Cervus at 2013-07-24 16:16:32
    '' Sometimes I think I've felt everything I'm ever going to feel and from here on out I'm not going to feel anything new, just lesser versions of what I've already felt ''
  • Dreeke said:

    A lot of familiar feelings in this thread which I avoided reading for a while.
    I'm currently on anti-depressants too.
    It's the second time for me and I've come to realise I'm suffering from manic-depression.
    Looking back some issues I've had in the past all make sense now.
    A couple of years ago I had a severe depression with suicidal thoughts that didn't make any sense to me.
    At the beginning of this year I realized I was slipping into another depression, luckily it was not as bad as that previous one.
    On the plus side: Things are heaps better now! Last week in Manchester was a positive boost I really needed.
    And like some of you might have noticed I've got a wonderful wife who's always supporting me.
    Luckily I'm on the way up now and the timing couldn't be better.
    Otherwise I wouldn't have had the guts to opt for another interview with Alison.





    Oh Jeez mate, I didn't realise.
    Anti-depressants have been my life saver as well as help from Wellbeing team ( type of councelling but without all that going back to your childhood bollocks).
    When I was at my worst last year I found the suicidal thoughts frightening, didn't understand why, quite frequent to my dislike and downright depressing. It's taken me a lot to control my anxiety too for example, if the recent Manchester and London gigs had been this time last year I just couldn't have done it. The crowds and heat would have been too much. I wouldn't have had the nerve to meet people as would have been on edge. God I sound like a right wuss but that's how it was.
    My hard work and determination has got me where I am now but do dread what will happen if they stop the meds :(
  • You're not sounding like a wuss.
    That's the about depressions, you don't seem to be in control of your thoughts and feelings anymore.
    You can't enjoy things you usually love doing.
    I had to stop making music over the last couple of months, just because it became so frustrating.
    We've started rehearsing again now and I'm To say I can once again enjoy it.

    I've had some councelling as well, which helped me a lot.
    Like yours it was not the back to your childhood crap.
    I had a great childhood. But there were those periods I didn't really feel like myself. Which kind of makes sense now.
    Post edited by Dreeke at 2013-07-25 03:24:05
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    "I think it is our job to dream"
  • Last night I watched one of the most moving programmes I have ever seen about mental illness - James Rhodes Notes from the Inside. JR is a classical pianist with a history of mental illness himself and this documentary showed him going back into a mental hospital and playing pieces with some of the patients.

    JR is compassionate, genuine - and a very fine musician. The programme was much better than I expected. Its on 4OD now for those who can get it.

     Here

  • ^
    I saw that advertised but didn't know what it was about. Ill try and catch up with that myself
  • Music is a transporter into different worlds. And piano music is soothing, I used to listen to my sister play classical pieces and make up words to them.

    Whenever I have a lesson I feel in the safe zone, apart from the pressure of getting better but it's a different kind of pressure because it's something I care deeply about. I did think that show was a bit patronising? But if whisperit says it's good I'm going to check it out.
    Also BBC3 it's a mad world season is so much better than expected, Diaries of a Broken Mind being a highlight. Also My dad and me with Rachel Bruno was good. Am bit worried about the OCD extreme boot camp coming up, I hope it's portrayed sensitively and dispels myths!
    It should be alright because the progammes have been very sufferers focused instead of the clinical professional focus.

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