I was in my late teens, and forced out of the closet by an overbearing, selfish, egotistical father (who had ironically hidden his true sexuality from my mother, divorcing her ten years after I was born and tearing me away from her to live in the Quebec countryside with his new husband). It was a devastating period, with myself feeling trapped and imprisoned in my own "home". It was utter hell, with my father and "second father" screaming, throwing things at me and putting themselves first. I was constantly berated, cut down in front of others and made to feel like I was baggage in their pretentious lives. Music was my only method of escape, and not having even an iPod for myself made things difficult. After I saved up from working (in the same factory as them), I bought an iPod Touch, got a little internet wifi usb to stick in my laptop, and set up an iTunes account. 

I spent every penny I had on iTunes cards, buying as much music as I could. I still remember buying Stevie Nicks' "Bella Donna" album as my first purchase, letting her heavenly crooning rock me to sleep at night - with headphones so that the house remained dead silent. I kept buying more and more - every Kylie and Madonna album, Sheryl Crow's old '90s desert rock sounding albums, and absolutely everything by Enya that I could find. It helped. I could listen to it at work and silence the world around me. 

In early 2010, it was getting harder and harder to continue, however. It was clear to me that I was not wanted, despite my father stating several times that he loved me and wanted me to do well and all that. If that was true, he never expressed it the way a parent should - with love and respect. I started doing cocaine and found other similar "distractions", and tried to find solace within the music that I had accumulated - but it wasn't powerful enough to silence the shout-filled, stressful and nerve-shattering existence that I was imprisoned in. 

Then, one cold February day in 2010, I found them. Goldfrapp. I was checking out the "what others have bought like this" feature in iTunes, under Kylie's album "X". Supernature popped up, and I clicked on it, curious. I bought the album a minute later. Ooh La La was the first song I heard, followed by Number 1, Strict Machine, Let it Take you and Gone to Earth. I had bought every album I could afford, and came back each time I earned a paycheque to get the rest. I then noticed an album with the familiar bright orange "pre-order" option: it was Head First. I fell in love, and felt the world wash away in a way I had been searching for.

In the summer of 2010, I moved out of my father's place into a cockroach-infested apartment with drug addicts for neighbours, yet it was more comforting than ever before. I began to date and find myself, and began exploring the possibility of having my own life. I got off the drugs, found healthier distractions (such as eating bowl after bowl of Kraft Dinner and watching Will & Grace after work), and kept a level head. I still had to see my father and his husband at work, and it made things horrendously stressful there, but I had my own place to hide away in at the time, so it helped.

In the summer of 2011, I couldn't take it anymore. I was holding knives to my throat and chickening out at the last second amidst the horrors my family was bringing to my life, and I decided that they weren't deserving of me any longer. I packed everything I had into boxes, and moved to Ottawa. I have never looked back except for in my writing: I now am beginning my final year of studies in a Professional Writing program (can you tell?) at a fantastic college in Ottawa, which I am paying for myself via a student loan. I live with the most wonderful man in the world, who loves and protects me. We have been together since October 2011, and have both never been happier. I feel safe. I'm always smiling. I'm truly happy. It was all thanks to Goldfrapp (the songs Road to Somewhere (acoustic) and Some People, helped most), that I gained strength to continue on. I regret not doing it sooner, but at that time I was scared of the world around me. I didn't feel it was worthwhile to even step outside. I wish Alison could read this, just to see what kind of impact her and Will's efforts have on us. They truly warm my heart, and always remind me that the world is actually a beautiful place - we just need to find our place within it, and realize that there IS a place for each of us.