Friendship

KatRobin

Hi Whispered and Iuv. It is nice to be back, albeit briefly as Im about to give one of my first clients a Reiki healing. I say client, but should say friend / acquaintance s and I'm not charging as I'm working towards my certificate, then if word spreads I might expand my ambitions....who knows. Work is slowly coming back - just when I was getting used to the feeling of being semi-retired !

Whispered - Catherine, my other half, has lupus, though not officially diagnosed yet, but it's absolutely obvious to both of us. She battles against constant fatigue while being a full time teacher...not easy. As I said to PG - IM me and I'll send you a distant healing (scoff not....it does seem to help if only for a short while).

UT - I will expect cheque in the post for royalties now you've posted my humble work lol. I'm currently feeling uninspired to get creative, sigh. Hope it returns!!

Urban_Tribesman

@KatRobin
Her indoors is slaving away on an oil painting called 'Heaven Cent'
It involves 100 Koi ....

Ponygurl

@whispered My cousin has Lupus too, she’s totally changed the way she eats and seldom has flares. Nothing processed and all organic. I guess she realized she was reactive to certain foods.
I do hope you start to feel better soon- maybe a mineral supplement for the migraines? I use magnesium myself for headaches and fatigue. Mineral salt baths may help too.

My whole mother ordeal is so frustrating! She’s only in her 60’s, and she doesn’t want to go to an assisted living facility. She’s had home-health nurses come, but they quit because she behaves like an ass. She doesn’t see me as a person, but as her servant..and I’m already burnt out from her antics. I need to figure out something though, before I become an alcoholic, lol.

@KatRobin Yes, I would love an energy healing- I’m into that sorta thing. When I find a day when I’m off of work and mother duties, I’ll let you know. I want to be focused. I find it difficult to sleep- it’s the left side of my neck that’s affected and pain and tingling radiate from my ear down to my shoulder. It’s miserable (as you know.)

As for your creative block, I feel nature provides one with creative inspiration. Maybe hold one of your crystals and see what comes, but make sure not to hold any penis-shaped ones. Don’t hold any ball-shaped ones either for that matter.
Any other shape is ok though.

whispered

@KatRobin Thank you, Ive sent a message

@Ponygurl - thank you too. Dont worry, I am trying everything! I do hope you find a way of breaking free of the trap you seem to be caught in there. What happens when you are honest with your mother - tell her how shit the situation is and how you arent willing to tolerate it anymore? x

KatRobin

Trust you PG for turning any conversation into something penile - I do have some vaguely phallic crystals but don't intend to waft them over anyone yet!

Yes...your situation must be very hard. Having nursed my own mum in her last weeks, I know how physically and emotionally exhausting it is, but my mum and i had an amazing relationship and it was never a burden for a second. I can't imagine how depleted you must be feeling. IM me when you find that golden moment....and if you don't find it, then make it.

Whispered - I shall reply, thank you x

Ponygurl · Post edited by Ponygurl at 2019-09-26 02:29:19

@whispered My mom will fly into a rage if I dare confront her about her behavior. I think losing her independence has caused her to become very angry. My childhood was one of neglect, but this rage is new to me. My sister couldn’t deal with her and had to go no contact. She’s just this bottomless pit of need. Oddly enough, I think I’m still trying to win her love.

@KatRobin I’m actually considering going on anti-depressants myself, even though I’ve been against them in the past. I saw my friends numbed out by them, ie. no sex drive and emotionally blunted- but I’ve just been so down lately. So do you think the tabs improve your mood? What are the differences you experienced when you started taking them? Was it positive? Do you find they just numb you out? I’m just curious.

whispered

@Ponygurl - it doesnt seem at all odd that you are still wanting to win your Mum's love. Isn't the need for positive parental attention the fundamental drive for all infants - and dont we all carry that child within us throughout our lives? The kicker is that by the time they are elderly, our parents aren't likely to change; as they get more frail. as they see their friends and peers falling by the wayside, unless they are already secure and sorted, they are likely to look to their children to meet their needs and resolve their fears. Ultimately, maybe what your Mum is looking for is something you will bnever be able to give her - a return to a time when she wasn't worrying about death and illness, when her life still contained possibilities and hopes for something better, when she was wanted? I'm sorry to be presuming a lot in saying that, but wish you could feel easier about the situation. You know you can't make her different; you can only deal with your own stuff?

Although you asked KatR about anti-ds, I've started down this road of pontificating, so why stop now...? My experience of taking a SSRI was that it changed my experience of the world. I wasnt happier, or more optimistic,but the world felt odd and unfamiliar. It was like giving a TV a kick to make it work. Just that experience of being shoved out of the habitual thinking patterns was helpful. I set a time limit on how long I took them, which was probably a good thing.

Ponygurl

@whispered I know my mother won’t change. She’s a classic narc personality. I even think I subconsciously pick self-centered emotionally detached women as partners- because I’m trying to heal this fundamental rift through them. It doesn’t work. At least I know it. Half the battle is knowing you can’t change someone, you’re right. I suppose the other half of the battle is grieving it, then letting it go.
It sucks that it’s taken me this long to figure it out.

Now onto the anti-depressant question. Thanks for your perspective on it. You know, I think that’s the key..changing the brain’s thought patterns. There’s been a few times in life where I had it all together- but then some outside, external force will completely wreck it. It makes me afraid of taking the chances I once did, because I feel something bad will happen again and I must protect myself. Closing oneself off, protecting oneself- it’s much like a creative block. Maybe we should treat depression as such (?)

@KatRobin Maybe a trip somewhere might do you good (?) (I know it would do me good if I wasn’t saddled with so much responsibility, ugh)

Ponygurl · Post edited by Ponygurl at 2019-09-27 21:53:40

@KatRobin I DM’d you my golden hour ;).

(it’s ok...that’s not code for golden shower or anything, don’t be alarmed)

KatRobin

I'd never be alarmed PG, I know you can't help yourself love lol.

Antidepressants ....hmmm.... as someone who has been on them since my teens (I was on Valium for severe OCD as a kid) then to be truthful, Im not even sure Id know what "normal" feels like or is meant to feel like. I guess it's like wearing glasses to correct vision - you can tell the difference once you take them off.

I don't think the tabs numb me out but that could be a sign my body's got so used to them. I still have the full range of emotions, exacerbated by hormones. I guess I've found the correct dosage of the correct medication to keep me in balance, but it is a tricky journey for some and they can experience worse symptoms / feelings initially, so it's something that needs a lot of monitoring (if you can find a sympathetic GP, and if you can't, join support groups and nag your doctor oil he gets it right). I tried just about every tab going in my 20s but Fluoxetine is the one for me and works well - some others gave me rashes, awful stomach cramps etc. Yes they do affect your libido sadly...depending on the dosage. That's a side effect you would have to weigh up.

Any good doctor would start you on a lower dosage initially to see how you go - you might initially feel that sense of disassociation that Whispered is mentioning, but that doesn't mean you'd turn psychotic, just slightly comfortably numb and that feeling would pass after a while.In my case, Im well past that stage and cry at the slightest provocation and am acutely sensitive to animals as you know (people, not so much....). That's how it should be - I wouldn't want to be robbed of normal human sensations; it's a case of being able to function normally, not be shielded from reality totally.

I wish you well if you do get prescribed them (and if you don't!!!). We are a nice bunch on here with big ears and big shoulders so you'll get our support. As for a holiday, Im up for that!!! x

KatRobin

I am about to take a trip out....and looking at the sky I'll get more than a golden shower, ugh.

Ponygurl

@KatRobin Have you ever explored the source of your depression? I mean, the injustice of this world is enough to make anyone depressed- but there must have been a personal affront. I know mine is coming from a feeling of being trapped and wanting to do the right thing (a sacrifice of my own wants and needs for another who doesn’t value it.) Have you dealt with it head on, or have you ever explored it through art?

I’m finding the gabapentin I’m taking for nerve pain helps my mood, but spaces me out a little. I ran out and found myself with a restless feeling highlighted by anxiety. I don’t want to be dependent on medication, so it’s a bit of a catch 22. I can’t believe you’ve been medicated for so long, but I guess if it truly helps and there are no ill side- effects, it’s alright. CBD oil and edibles are all the rage here for all kinds of problems.

Sounds like you’re highly sensitive Kat. I am too, esp. towards children and animals- those that need protection. Menopause sounds like an emotional roller-coaster, but having no bloody period would be worth it, lol.

KatRobin

Well hello! We're both online at the same time!

In answer to your question above - no, not really. Chemical imbalance. That'll do as an explanation for me. Hereditary maybe? OCD is linked to high intelligence, (and its on the autistic spectrum obviously) so that explanation will do for me too lol. Though my brain is def shrinking with age.

CBD oil is illegal here which disgusts me...Im all in favour of it being legalised. Ive thought of investing in it even, but my feet got a bit cold on that one. The day will come Im sure.

I hope your Reiki healing helped a little yesterday?!

Ponygurl

I worked all day yesterday and actually had a good day, I felt strangely positive..so yes, I felt the good vibes.
I wasn’t focused on my neck pain per usual, so thank-you for sending them! X

Giant African snails are illegal here, so you can have the snails and I’ll keep the CBD oil. Sounds like an even exchange, lol.

(You do need an Rx here for the CBD oil but Investment would be a good idea, I thought the same thing!)

KatRobin

I do realise that they are an invasive and destructive pest over the pond- rather like some of our politicians over here, only not as slimy. They are also deaf too.

Glad you felt the vibes! X

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