Sartori said:

Once upon a time in a galaxy far far away where there was a little Forum Planet called Goldfrappium and on this planet there was a battle , it wasn`t a great battle , it was a bit of an embarassing car crash of a battle and it spread all across Goldfrappium like a dose of crabs.. and this children.. is how it went down ......

there was a young chap called Alan Gary  and he loved to dance with er...Elvis hair and a grey palour

there was another chap called Madison Stranger Bert whose hobby is redacting , he liked to dance as well  

then the Forum Planet turned into a knocking shop and thoughts were turned to 

then someone pretended to be Tony Blair and not be 100% accurate in their description of their weapon capabilities "Its a fucking Death Star" "No its not , you`ve watched Star Wars to much" and there was a spat , a spat in which people watched on the sidelines like they were watching a Susan Boyle sex tape . It started with a tiff 

and escalated into 

people on the sidelines said   as some threads were killed in the drama queening action

but peace was restored when a nice hat came up on ebay but their bid was too low and the hat was lost and the fighting resumed on another peaceful thread 

then Alison Goldfrapp rang and said
"boys , lifes too short , have a wank to relieve the stress and come back and shake hands (after washing them) "  and they made up ...well for 15 minutes anyway 

...and lo the Forum Planet said 

Sartori meanwhile sought therapy and his eczema lotion as his face felt like it was on fire and he had a very very naughty desire to take the piss