?

Whickwithy

John O'Neil hoisted his beer and said, "Here's

To spending the rest of me Life, between the legs

Of me wife !"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best

Toast of the night !

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the

Prize for the Best toast of The night."

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"

John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me

Life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking

Buddies on the street Corner. The man chuckled

Leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other

Night at The pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit

Surprised myself. You know, he's only been in

There twice in the last four years. "Once I had to pull him by

The ears to make him come, and the other time he fell

asleep".

KatRobin

I don’t know where you get em from WW but they’re good...keep em coming!

serenity52

Kats smuttometer must have blown up 50 times over by now. :))

Whickwithy

They're great, Kat, right? I was so lucky to run across that page!

iuventus

serenity52 said:
Erm ok...whatever.

I guess that joke isn't funny anymore.

Whickwithy

A guy got arrested for playing the guitar. For fingering A minor ..

I did a theatrical performance about puns . It was a play on words ..

They told me I had type A blood , but it was a Type- O.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra .

Whickwithy

A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a goat sitting next to him.

"Are you a goat?" asked the man, surprised.

"Yes."

"What are you doing at the movies?"

The goat replied, "Well, I liked the book."

Whickwithy

Some 60's hits with new titles and lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers...

The Commodores ---

Once, Twice, Three Times To The Bathroom

serenity52

Whickwithy said:
A guy got arrested for playing the guitar. For fingering A minor ..
I did a theatrical performance about puns . It was a play on words ..
They told me I had type A blood , but it was a Type- O.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra .

Did you know? It is entirely possible to walk into a bra? I've seen some bras that have cups the size of a tent!

Whickwithy

Ha! I believe it. Probably L.A.

Whickwithy

There was a man driving a pickup truck down a country road, when suddenly he was broad sided by a trailer truck. Some time went by, and the case got to court. The defense attorney said to the plaintiff, "How can you be suing my client now when you told a trooper after the accident that you felt fine?"

The man replied, "Well sir, it was like this. We was drivin' down the road, mindin' our own business, when a big trailer truck came out of nowhere and creamed us. When I came to, I was in the ditch, and a trooper was pullin' up with his car. He looked at the hogs, and they was 'most dead, so he shot 'em. Then he looked at my dog, and he was hurt real bad, so he shot him. Then he came over to me and he said, 'How you feeling?'" "I said, I never felt better in my life."

Whickwithy

We are hosting a charity concert for people who struggle to reach orgasm.

If you can’t come let me know.

Urban_Tribesman

Something I saw today. Not a joke, but a good yarn
The CEO of a toothpaste factory got the top people in the company together and they decided to start a new project, in which they would hire an external engineering company to solve their empty boxes problem, where some boxes on the assembly line were getting to packing, only to be found to be empty.

The project followed the usual process: budget and project sponsor allocated, RFP, third-parties selected, and six months (and $8 million) later they had a fantastic solution — on time, on budget, high quality and everyone in the project had a great time. They solved the problem by using some high-tech precision scales that would sound a bell and flash lights whenever a toothpaste box weighing less than it should came up the conveyor. The line would stop, and someone would then walk over and yank the defective box out, pressing another button to restart the line when done.

A while later, the CEO decides to have a look at the ROI of the project: amazing results! No empty boxes ever shipped out of the factory after the scales were put in place. Very few customer complaints, and they were gaining market share. “That’s some money well spent!” – he says, before looking closely at the other statistics in the report.

It turns out, the number of empty boxes picked up by the scales was 0 after three weeks of production use. It should’ve been picking up at least a dozen or so a day, so maybe there was something wrong with the report. He filed a bug against it, and after some investigation, the engineers come back saying the report was actually correct. The scales really weren’t picking up any defects, because all boxes that got to that point in the conveyor belt were full.

Puzzled, the CEO travels down to the factory, and walks up to the part of the line where the precision scales were installed. A few feet before it, there was a $20 desk fan, blowing across the conveyor and flipping any empty boxes off of the belt and into a bin.

“Oh, that — said the Forman. One of the guys put it there ’cause he was tired of walking over every time the bell rang”.
Always consider the simple answers first!

Whickwithy

THIS IS AN ACTUAL CUSTOMER REVIEW FROM A MAN ON AMAZON.CO.UK AFTER USING VEET HAIR REMOVAL CREAM FOR MEN. I ACTUALLY HAD TEARS ROLLING DOWN MY FACE WHILE READING IT!!!!!!!!!!!! SOOOO FUNNY!!!:

After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly Rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit if a treat.

I ordered it well in advance and working in the North Sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...Oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn’t have long to wait.

At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling not to bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel off in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen, by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, took the lid off and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing returned. Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn’t managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and an tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found its way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running its engines behind me.

This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.

Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering “ooooohhh that feels good” Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn’t heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout fired against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn’t the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn’t improve my status…so to sum it up, VEET removes hair, dignity and self-respect

Whickwithy

A skeleton walks into a bar and says, I'll have a beer and a mop.

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