?

Urban_Tribesman

I also made up an Apple photo book using 57 photos I had of her throughout her life. The earliest was about age 2, then chronologically through her life, the last being from last year when she was 93, sitting on the sea front eating a Mr Whippy ice cream. It was a cathartic exercise and everybody enjoyed looking through it.

Whickwithy

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."

Whickwithy

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks." The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the two hour delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."

Whickwithy

Two hunters are out in the forest when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls 911 and gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

Urban_Tribesman

A young woman walks into a Cocktail bar and asks the barman for a double entendres
So he gives her one!
( Cue Loony Toons end credit music).

Whickwithy

Step 1: Name your iPhone "Titanic."

Step 2: Plug it into your computer.

Step 3: When iTunes says "Titanic is syncing," press cancel.

Step 4: Feel like a hero.

serenity52

Will have to try that when I'm swimming again. Picture the scene: I'm swimming in the pool with my waterproof ipod device (lets just pretend here) doing my breast-strokes and decide to stop and hover mid way in the deep end of the pool. Because why not?

Throw in a bit of aerobics and the lifeguard panics running over to drag me out.

It's ok it's ok I'm just synching. Ya know synching!!

Whickwithy · Post edited by Whickwithy at 2018-02-14 08:34:23

I just ran across some pretty good jokes I'd never seen before. This one seemed particularly appropriate to the day. You know, kinda like the second song I posted is appropriate to the day.

During the 4th hole the following conversations took place:

First Guy :

You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend... I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.

Second Guy :

That's nothing; I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool.

Third Guy :

Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her.

They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word.

So they ask him : 'You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?'

Fourth guy :

I just set my alarm for 5 am. When it went off, I gave the wife a slap on her ass and said: 'Golf course or intercourse? ' She said: 'Wear sun-block."

serenity52 · Post edited by serenity52 at 2018-02-14 12:08:04

How VERY inappropriatd of you Whickwithy haha. Its rude but i like it. The word intercourse sounds so weird..just call it sex. Everyone on the same page

That's not page 3 by the way you filthy animals!

serenity52 · Post edited by serenity52 at 2018-02-14 12:25:21

I'm sure it doesn't Miss Poppins!

serenity52 · Post edited by serenity52 at 2018-02-14 12:24:25

No you really don't want Neville Longbottom touching your ass

serenity52 · Post edited by serenity52 at 2018-02-14 12:24:11

serenity52 · Post edited by serenity52 at 2018-02-14 12:23:21

Well if your name is Anne and your a Boleyn then yup. It is alleged that she had 6 fingers. Can' think what the devil she did with her extra digit.

Whickwithy

Rare form, S. So many movie references. I particularly like the last one.

Sex is a good word. I didn't choose the word intercourse. Personally, if one is trying to be proper, I find coitus to be the best. In fact, I think I like it best. It just sounds kind of cozy and sexy.

serenity52

I'm always in rare form...probably being a bit daring tonight!

Nah coitus just sounds like a dead sea fossil. Nookie? Now that term of phrase makes me chuckle.

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