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Whickwithy · Post edited by Whickwithy at 2016-12-30 16:59:34

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A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks." The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the two hour delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."

Whickwithy · Post edited by Whickwithy at 2016-12-30 17:01:31

Omidog, I've got a million.

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they began to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,'" and he left. The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple were still waiting. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn't work out; could you get a divorce in heaven? After yet another month, St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven." "Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple. "OH, COME ON!," St. Peter shouted, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?"
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Urban_Tribesman

Was there not a name on the old board for getting so many posts in a row? A bit like Fillybusting !

Whickwithy · Post edited by Whickwithy at 2016-12-30 17:10:06

NO, it was actually this board that someone came up with, I think, Bingo, or some such if someone had the chutzpahs to post more than like four posts in a row. Those assholes are long gone. Of course, now that a new album is coming along they may infest the ship, again. I don't think this ship has ratlines.

Urban_Tribesman

Rather hypocritical of them to climb back up the ropes to enjoy the good times when they have been missing in action for so long? There is a another gathering place on Facebook I believe but I do not graze there. I do not do FB and it strikes me as a bit like wearing a fake Rolex. Like being on the Moon when the party is here on Earth!

Whickwithy

Rolex, UT? That's so unintentionally funny that I can hardly stand it. I swear I can picture it and I'm not even on acid.

Total agreement about FB. "I had broccoli for lunch" How exciting.

Okay, more more and I've filled a page. Hmmm, what other delerium can I get into tonight? By the way, if you've never listened to Delerium, you really should.

Urban_Tribesman

What's so funny about Rolex? Not a fan myself. Too gauche. I prefer an Omega like Bond, but Speedmaster, not a Seamaster. Why would you wear a fake Rolex or Omega? Who are you kidding! Yourself obviously as no-one else cares.

Urban_Tribesman · Post edited by Urban_Tribesman at 2016-12-30 17:34:39

Whickwithy said:
Total agreement about FB. "I had broccoli for lunch .

"Urban Tribesman likes this"

Whickwithy

Okay, that just shows you how drunk I am. I was the one that transliterated in my mind wrong. I was thinking Rolodex when I saw Rolex. Oh, man!

Whickwithy

FB and selfies. It blows me away that people actually sell selfie sticks. What's up with that? My guess is that it will all come out in the wash.

Whickwithy

Ha! I feel like everyone is worried an waiting for my next binge. No worries. That can't happen more than about once a year. It was fun...

Whickwithy · Post edited by Whickwithy at 2016-12-31 07:12:44

Okay, one more joke...

Dad: "Say 'daddy.'"

Baby: "Mommy!"

Dad: "Come on, say 'daddy!'"

Baby: "Mommy!"

Dad: "F*ck you. Say 'daddy!'"

Baby: "F*ck you. Mommy!"

Mom: "Honey, I'm home!"

Baby: "F*ck you!"

Mom: "Who taught you to say that?"

Baby: "Daddy!"

Dad: "Son of a b*tch."

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Whickwithy · Post edited by Whickwithy at 2017-01-10 19:44:06

You guys are absolutely cracking me up. Yeah, I'm in one of those moods but, sigh, I don't want to rip through a page full of threads, so I'll just post a joke....
I thought I would post this one so you can have it ready for next Christmas...

Counseling Christmas Carols

1. Schizophrenia - Do You Hear What I Hear?
2. Multiple Personality Disorder - We Three Kings Disoriented Are
3. Dementia - I think I'll be Home for Christmas

4. Narcissistic - Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

5. Manic - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and...

6. Paranoid - Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me

7. Borderline Personality Disorder - Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

8. Personality Disorder - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

9. Attention Deficit Disorder - Silent night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?

10. Obsessive compulsive disorder - Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells

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Whickwithy

The first testicular guard, the "Cup" was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974.

That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

Ladies ... quit laughing.

Whickwithy

I needed a good laugh today, This headline provided it. The guy had to know what he was writing...

"Nasa wants to probe Uranus in search of gas"

Beats the hell out of all of those headlines promising "you will be shocked"...or the other stock phrases that seem to come and go in a heartbeat.

Howdy, Stranger!

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