A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying
attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a
fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The
teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all
off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking."
Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice
cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice
cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The
teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one
with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"

As everyone on this board is very intelligent, I give you, punchlines of jokes !
'Well, it's a bit odd really. We've only done it twice. The first time he was sick and the second time his hat blew off'

Urban_Tribesman said:

'I didn't repeat myself; that was an echo'

An old man is met by his attorney, and is told he is going to be audited. He rides to the IRS office with his attorney, and when he gets there, he begins to talk with the IRS agent. "I bet $2,000 I can bite my own eye!" The IRS agent agrees to the bet, believing it an impossible task. The old man laughs, pulls out his glass eye, and bites it. The IRS agent is dumbfounded. The old man bets $3,000 he can bite his other eye. The IRS agent knows there's no way possible to do this, so he once more agrees. The old man cackles, pulls out his dentures, and bites his eye. Then the old man finally wagers, "I bet $20,000 I can stand on the far side of your desk, pee over the desk, and get it into your wastebasket, without missing a single drop." The agent knows he won't be able to, so once more he agrees. The old man indeed misses, peeing all over the desk, and on the paperwork. The IRS agent jumps for joy, but then notices the attorney over in the corner moaning. "Are you all right?" asks the agent. "No! On the way over here, he bet me $400,000 he could pee on your desk and you'd be happy about it!"

'Well, what I still want to know is, what is a panoe ?'

Why is it that your nose runs, but your feet smell?

You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is another galloping horse but your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation? Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round!