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whisperit · Post edited by whisperit at 2013-07-25 11:14:08

Halloween_Jack said:
^Hostess: "Hello sir, would you like some of our TWA coffee?"
Man: "No, but I'll have some of your TWA tea!"

And that, Mr Jack, is why alternative comedy was necessary :)

Whickwithy

I am soooo slow sometimes. Hahaha, HJ! Those were the times for that. "Coffee, tea, or me?"

Halloween_Jack · Post edited by Halloween_Jack at 2013-07-25 11:39:51

I'm sorry, that was beneath me. :\"> Kinda reminds me of those dirty postcards from the 70s... anyone remember them??

Whickwithy

Hahahaha! Never saw those. Yeah, the 70's. Sure glad I outgrew that (bookmarked it... ;) )!

Whickwithy

How to wash a cat

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl...
2. Pick up cat and soothe him whil you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth motion, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid.
4. At this point, the cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or four time. This proives a "Power-wash and Rinse".
6. Have someone open the front door to your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
7. Stand well back, behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the toile and the cat will be sparkling clean!

Yours sincerely,

The dog

Whickwithy

https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/552596_10151511949256244_1390065169_n.jpg

Dreeke

A plumber walks into a bar full of Frappers and says "I'm here for the leak......"

Whickwithy

^Hahahaha! And chaos ensues!

Whickwithy

https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/544476_425812154189776_582468928_n.jpg

Do I get bingoed for five in a row in a thread, as well???!!? I'll have to be careful!

Whickwithy

Not exactly a joke but kinda interesting...

This is the only word in the English language that could be a noun, verb, adj, adv, prep.

UP

Read until the end... you'll laugh.

This two-letter word in English has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is "UP." It is listed in the dictionary as an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n] or [v].

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP, and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends, brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and fix UP the old car.

At other times, this little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.

We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look UP the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takesUP almost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out, we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it soaksUP the earth. When it does not rain for awhile, things dry UP. One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now. . . my time is UP!

Oh. . . one more thing: What is the first thing you do in the morning and the last thing you do at night?

U

P!

Did that one crack you UP?

Don't screw UP. Send this on to everyone you look UP in your address book. . . or not. . . it's UP to you.

Now I'll shut UP!

cw37frapp

Knock knock

whos there ?.

Man Utd

Man Utd who ?.

HA HA HA

Jozzy81

Old 1 but still kinda funny (thanks to my bro)

How do you annoy lady gaga?
Pokerface.....

Whickwithy

Did you hear about the agnostic, dyslexic insomniac?

They used to lie awake all night wondering if there really was a dog.

Halloween_Jack

^ LOL! That one appears earlier in the thread (July 3).. and you said you'd add it to your collection. It's a good 'un, but too soon for a recycle I think! :\">

wild_corgi

Dai comes home from the pub one night, distraught, and says to his wife "That Billy Two-Face, says he's slept with every woman in the street bar one."

Mrs Dai thinks for a minute.

"I bet it's that stuck-up cow at No. 22".

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