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What was your worst date ever?
  • Vote Up0Vote Down PonygurlPonygurl
    Posts: 2,501
    Ok, so I HATE dating. You never know what kind of freak you'll encounter. Being a feminine looking but masculine thinking lesbian makes it that much harder. Well several years ago, I had the Worst Date of My Life...and here's the story:

    I was at a pool party sitting alone dressed in black, with some big black shades on. A pretty red-haired, older woman asks me out. I say "yes" (because I feel whomever asks me out, deserves some kind of chance) So we make a date for the following weekend.

    This is Where Shit gets Crazy-

    She invites me to her house that Saturday. I meet her there late afternoon. As soon as I step in the front door, I realize this is one crazy biatch. There are huge piles of clothes, trash and powertools dotting the living room. "Oh," she says.."I'm renovating." Whatever you say lady, whatever you say. I look over at the kitchen table...several types of gun ammo, and a couple of hand guns lay there. "I just came from the shooting range." Red Flag # 2. I'm not really sure why I stayed, but I did. She then says, "Would you like a glass of wine?" I agree, then she says, "I'll show you a slideshow from my recent trip to Acapulco." She hooks her computer up to her tv, and starts the "show." The first thing that pops up is a picture of an oiled-up nude woman! "That's a French hooker I brought with me." Red Flag # 3. As the slideshow progresses, more and more pics of nude women show up! Now I realize these are her conquests..and I have to get the HELL outta there. "Don't leave yet, I ordered a pizza." Someone save me. I'm really not sure why I stayed, it couldn't get any worse..right? So as I'm sitting on her leather couch, I smell something like dogshit. I check the bottom of my shoe...nothing. I look behind me and there's a pile of fresh dogshit on the top of the couch!!! Her Brussels Griffon had shit there! She looks at her dog, then at me and says.."She must be jealous of you"..then laughs! I did not sign up for "crazy" with a side of dogshit! Then the doorbell rings, whew...it's the pizza guy. She then looks at me and asks me to pay because "she misplaced her credit card." I pay, then politely excuse myself for the evening..as something has come up. Seriously F'd, that's all I can say.

    Ok, now everyone else tell me yours..so I don't feel so alone!!!
    U R I E L
    What is done in the dark will always come to light
  • 37 Comments sorted by
  • Vote Up0Vote Down iuventusiuventus
    Posts: 5,377
    I dropped the soap once in prison. The rest of the night was a shambles, but I did get a free tattoo out of it.
    If I were dead, could I do this?
  • Vote Up0Vote Down SartoriSartori
    Posts: 2,138
    A friend went around his girlfriends house on their first date ...while her parents were out . Her parents came home earlier than expected and found them both sat on the sofa in a totally respectful looking scenario , her father just said "Amber ,could you make us all a cup of coffee please " , she got up and as she was about to enter the kitchen he added "....and wash your hands first" .

    I'll fast forward their life , that was 82 , condom split , wah wah no.1 , argue argue , shagging a friend of my Mrs , argue , car chase , argue , stab / hospital , argue , wah wah no.2 , argue , argue , shagging a Japanese interpreter for Sony in Japan , argue , divorce .
    "Read my posts and see why we`re not allowed nice things anymore"
    photo 5a6eb769-bc12-4596-bbe8-709fc2bb0d5e.jpg
    "Brought to you straight from the People`s Republic of There`s Something Wrong With You . The Hoi Polloi Capital of the World"
  • Vote Up0Vote Down SartoriSartori
    Posts: 2,138
    My own experience is a date I never had apart from in the mind of an ex-girlfriend who was stalking me for about 6 months . She sent me chocolate , I ate it , I had no shame and it was before rohypnol had been invented .
    "Read my posts and see why we`re not allowed nice things anymore"
    photo 5a6eb769-bc12-4596-bbe8-709fc2bb0d5e.jpg
    "Brought to you straight from the People`s Republic of There`s Something Wrong With You . The Hoi Polloi Capital of the World"
  • Vote Up0Vote Down cw37frappcw37frapp
    Posts: 3,494
    Long before i met my Mrs i was working in a retail outlet. On the border of the Red light district. This woman seemed to always be chatting to me. Then eventually she said, What do you do at the end of your shift ?. As a way of asking me out. We had chatted about loads of stuff so i thought i was well in. We had a couple of drinks. Went to what i gathered after, Was not her house. She later got a , emergency call. Had to dash. I realised my wallet had been nicked. Told everybody who would listen. They all said, Yeah she is a prostitute. Cheers for telling me guys. Anyway that was years ago. I am settled-ish now.
    JAMIE CARRAGHER= LEGEND
  • Vote Up0Vote Down WhickwithyWhickwithy
    Posts: 5,154
    Well, there was the one lady that explained, as we sat in a secluded room in a restaurant, that she had nothing on underneath.  Ummm, second thought, that wasn't so bad a night.
    The Sentient Struggle For Transformation

    https://www.amazon.com/Sentient-Struggle-Transformation-Whickwithy/dp/1734822147/
  • Vote Up0Vote Down cookiee_munstercookiee_munster
    Posts: 637
    my first date with an undertaker went as expected. in the middle of making out he got a call. left me in the house for an hour and returned... he was a nice bloke.

    so yeah...

    EDIT - when i say it was to be as expected, he did warn me beforehand that someone may die and he would get a call...
    Post edited by cookiee_munster at 2014-01-19 08:57:31
  • Vote Up0Vote Down wild_corgiwild_corgi
    Posts: 227
    There was this student date. We were crashed by a creepy guy who might have been her ex boyfriend or a wannabee stalker. Evidently at some point in the evening we moved from the college bar to his rooms, cos I cannot imagine Pelleas and Melisande on repeat being on a jukebox.

    The real motive was easy access to vodka, with which he spiked our drinks.

    She worked out what was happening and legged it, somehow omitting to mention this to me. I do take rather a dim view of that. However, she left her handbag, which unarguably put her at the scene.

    And then I turned him down flat ... and he went sorta nutso and out on a rampage, there was smashing, and vandalising, and quite a lot of spray paint graffiti with our names in it and badly drawn diagrams of various implausible activities, which the college authorities were slower to remove than in an ideal world I'd have chosen.

    And LO! we all got arrested, including her handbag, which had a substantial amount of dope in it. Things are a bit foggy at this point, because either she hadn't been planning to share this or he dumped the dope in it to incriminate her when the cops arrived, or, possibly as revenge on me for turning him down.  The important point is that my prints weren't on it.

    And my poor tutor had to come and rescue me from the cells. That was Wrath of God unpleasant, but at least it was over by dawn, unlike the graffiti ...
  • Vote Up0Vote Down A_is_AA_is_A
    Posts: 1,151
    ^ Jesus!! Wow, Wild... i think you won the dubious honor of crappiest date EVER.
    LOVE tasted CRITICAL
  • Vote Up0Vote Down wild_corgiwild_corgi
    Posts: 227
    Nah... I'm sure some Texan will be along with a date story that involves gunfire and bounty hunters.

    Besides, I think Ponygurl gets to judge this contest... put it this way, I wouldn't swap with hers.
  • Vote Up0Vote Down A_is_AA_is_A
    Posts: 1,151
    Yeah, i forgot about hers momentarily. That one is pretty God awful too. Gee, i don't have any that would compare. Or maybe, there's one so dreadful I've suppressed the memories? Haven't been on a date in eons.
    Post edited by A_is_A at 2014-01-20 20:08:28
    LOVE tasted CRITICAL
  • Vote Up0Vote Down alex_falex_f
    Posts: 378
    Does it count as a date when it was 30 seconds long, after which he excused himself because he suddenly felt too sleepy and just had to go home? (yet stayed on Grindr for hours afterwards)


    :))
    Formerly known as alex_t.
  • Vote Up0Vote Down PonygurlPonygurl
    Posts: 2,501
    wild_corgi said:

    Nah... I'm sure some Texan will be along with a date story that involves gunfire and bounty hunters.

    Besides, I think Ponygurl gets to judge this contest... put it this way, I wouldn't swap with hers.






    Yes wild corgi, mine sucked in a "bizarre pervert" kinda way, while yours sucked in a "violent douchebag" kinda way. Both quite shit, although mine was literal!

    Here's how it stacks up-

    1.) Me vs. bizarre pervert
    2.) Iuventus vs. prison bottoming/rape fantasy
    3.) Sartori vs. mental stalker
    4.) cw37frapp vs. thieving hooker
    5.) WW vs. trench coat?
    6.) cookie vs. the Addams Family
    7.) wild corgi vs. violent douchebag
    8.) A_is_A vs. monogamy
    9.) Alex vs. tired whore...or lying whore

    Whew! There's really no way to judge this this one, but I do suddenly feel a little better now..but not much, haha!
    U R I E L
    What is done in the dark will always come to light
  • Vote Up0Vote Down A_is_AA_is_A
    Posts: 1,151
    Too funny!
    LOVE tasted CRITICAL
  • Vote Up0Vote Down pingping
    Posts: 1,248
    i've got a bad non-date story...
    i made contact with a girl through a dating thing, and we text a few times and spoke on the phone. she lived in london and i NEVER met her, anyhow she was texting me all the time, i was at work late one evening and didn't reply cause i was busy then she started leaving all these messages voicemail and text saying 'i know you hate me, don't worry i won't contact you again', then 10 minutes later i'd get one saying 'i'm so sorry i said that, i didn't mean it please forgive me!'. then a day or so later she rang and told me she'd been telling all her friends about her new girlfriend, turned out she meant ME!? by this time i really wanted to stop any contact with her but she was really persistent, she said she was gonna come visit the following saturday, i said i was working, she goes... thats ok i'll just hang around until you finish, i said i'm working all day... early morning until late at night, she said thats ok i can wait for you. i ended up getting one of my friends to pretend to be my girlfriend and answer the phone to her one day, i know it was a bit cowardly of me but it worked! hahaha
    my actual worst ever date ended up moving in with me and i had the worst 12 months i could have imagined which culminated in thousands £££££'s of debt and my homelessness. i wont bother with that story! 
    :!!
  • Vote Up0Vote Down PonygurlPonygurl
    Posts: 2,501
    Ugh, terrible Ping! You know what I've learned? People will actually tell you the truth about themselves within the first couple of dates. Make sure to listen then. I once had a girl tell me she was a sociopath..I should have listened! I thought she was joking. The joke was on me. Guess we learn the hard way sometimes.
    10.) Ping vs. using succubus. Thankgod you got rid of that nightmare!
    U R I E L
    What is done in the dark will always come to light
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