?

Whickwithy

I think I'll do 'why' jokes for awhile...

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee due to insufficient funds when they already know you're broke?

Why is it that when someone tells you that there are one billion stars in the universe, you believe them but, if they tell you there is wet paint, you have to touch it to check?

Why do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections?

serenity52

Guilty as charged. I do the same thing to the remote control. In fact i take that a stage further by 'shaking' the remote to make it work.

Whickwithy

Hahaha! I love it, Serenity. I sometimes want to throw it. That urge has lessened since I started using rechargeables. Well, that was once I learned that Rayovac sucks.

Whickwithy

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose cruel idea was it to put an "s" in the word "lisp"?

Urban_Tribesman · Post edited by Urban_Tribesman at 2017-11-27 07:36:36

Told to me by a funeral director at the wake.
'I once made a gravestone for a family. They told me they wanted "Lord, she was thine" so I had it carved and put in place on the grave. A week later, the family rang to tell me it was wrong and that I had missed an 'e' off and it said "Lord, she was thin". So I bought the stone back and carved another 'e' onto it and put it back.
The family rang back a week later to say it was still wrong as it now said "E Lord, she was thin"

Whickwithy

This is a repeat but it's just that funny.

Dad: "Say 'daddy.'"

Baby: "Mommy!"

Dad: "Come on, say 'daddy!'"

Baby: "Mommy!"

Dad: "F*ck you. Say 'daddy!'"

Baby: "F*ck you. Mommy!"

Mom: "Honey, I'm home!"

Baby: "F*ck you!"

Mom: "Who taught you to say that?"

Baby: "Daddy!"

Dad: "Son of a b*tch."

Whickwithy

A taxi passenger taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screams, loses control of the car, nearly hits a bus, goes up on the footpath, and stops centimeters from a shop window. For a second, everything goes quiet in the cab, then the driver says, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologizes and says, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much.” The driver replies, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."

Urban_Tribesman · Post edited by Urban_Tribesman at 2017-11-28 13:31:40

Funeral van. Surely you also use the term Hearse in the USA WW?
I saw a website a couple of weeks ago with your options for your final 'whip'.
Many options, including a motorbike and side hearse for the biking fraternity although the undertaker told me a lot of bikers like to be in just a coffin on a platform to the side of the bike. Apparantly, the concept of this, I.e. Coffin on an open platform to the side of a motorbike, is patented !

Whickwithy · Post edited by Whickwithy at 2017-11-28 20:40:41

Yes, the usual term here is hearse. So, what were you doing visiting a funeral home? I hope everyone is okay.

I'm for ashes, myself. Dust In The Wind ... at least, the physical attributes. Who the heck can say if there is anything left after that.

iuventus

Burn the witch!

I mean mysefl, WW, before you have a fit.

Urban_Tribesman

I lost my Mother a few weeks ago. She was 94, nearly 95 and it was a peaceful and I was with her at the end.
She had an interesting life. She was a book keeper from the age of 14 (when she left school) and volunteered to join the Army during WWII so as to avoid going into the land army. Her book keeping skills and a love of crosswords got her posted to Bletchley Park as part of the Intelligence Corps at age 19 and before she was 21 she was a Corporal in charge of 22 ATS. She was located in Block F as part of the Japanese code breaking section. This is also the building where Colossus, the world's first electronic computer was developed and positioned, as many as 10 by the end of the war.
That's why I posted the Leo Marks poem in the poetry thread a couple of weeks ago and changed my bit at the bottom of my posts to the Omar Khayyám quatrain.

Whickwithy · Post edited by Whickwithy at 2017-11-30 07:43:16

Sorry to hear that, UT. My condolences. The good news is that you have so many wonderful people in your life and must have some wonderful memories of your mother, which seems to be what the poem is saying.

Urban_Tribesman

Thank you. Slowly resolving everything. Finances were pretty straight forward as she had no property and there are only two children, me and an older Sister.
Even her coffin was unusual. Do you know how boring coffins are? Different wood, either solid or veneered to suit your budget, different handles yadda, yadda, yadda. Then I found someone who did coffins with a printed outside rather than wood. She loved birds and was a member of the RSPB, and was also a supporter of the Red Cross so we had a white coffin with a Poppy Garden design around the bottom and a British birds design on the lid. We also had a poppy pinned to her inside. Then she was interned with my Father. Reunited after 39 years.
Not often people come up to you after a funeral and not only remark on the service but also on how beautiful the coffin was!

Whickwithy

That sounds nice.

NovaLasing

My condolences Nick. It's nice that you were close to her and she had a full and active life.

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